Initiating: “Spooky Szn Spirit”
If it’s one thing about the transition from summer to fall, it’s that Chicago weather drastically changes on the first day of fall. It never ceases to amaze me how one day it can be high seventies, low eighties and suddenly drop to fifty and below in a matter of hours. Sweater weather was upon us quicker than I anticipated, I was trading my chunky open-toed heels and sandals to chunky heeled booties and fuzzy socks.
Try as I might, I couldn’t fully say goodbye to summer. I knew that inevitably I was going to have to get used to it, sooner rather than later, but those few sprinkled days of seventy degrees made it harder on me. Don’t get me wrong, I love fall just as much as anyone, it just takes me longer to walk down that pumpkin spice trail that everyone seems to follow.
I wasn’t essentially scared of what was to come, I knew I was in for a stressful impact from school as I tried to juggle five classes, work, and my overall health. In a way, I believe I was preparing myself mentally and physically for the day where I suddenly had to give up the majority of my social life to compensate for the lack of free time in my schedule.
We all know what comes alongside cold weather. It’s called seasonal depression and it’s very much a real thing. For years, I went through this time as if I were blind, not knowing why I was suddenly feeling really low some days. Naturally, I’d blame it on school, with good reason because that is one of my leading factors to my depression. But I soon began to realize the other factors.
The sun going down earlier and earlier is a contribution that I only found out about last year. I’m no expert or professional but I found my motivation beginning to dwindle as the days suddenly began to feel shorter. As I’m sure you all now know, I am not awake in the morning unless I need to be. Seeing how my day usually begins early afternoon to late (real late) evening, the sun going down closer to six PM than the usual seven/eight PM was proving to be a slight problem for me.
With knowing this about my depression, and beginning to distinguish other factors, I was determined to enter October with a positive attitude. I heard that there was going to be a full moon on the first and thirty-first of the month, I knew that was my sign to do something that would allow me to bring it in with good energy.
I wasn’t exactly sure of how I was going to celebrate the first of the month as it got closer but I didn’t put much pressure on myself to figure it out. If anything, I’d just celebrate by myself and seeing how I’m alone ninety percent of the time, I didn’t see that as an issue. But then plans were easily made and I will always appreciate how effortless it was.
A good friend of mine, Rhyarna, had taken my photos for shoots we’d done together in the past for outfits I had made. After two photoshoots together, we were already thinking of a third. While having that discussion, I had randomly asked her if she was available on the first and if she wanted to hang out after I got off work. Having already made plans with another friend of hers, I had believed I was going to spend it alone. Instead, she allowed me to tag along for a shoot that they were doing together.
I’ll be honest, my only intention of that night was to smoke with people I knew I’d have a good time with. In order to bring in the month, I took this an opportunity to meet someone new who also dabbled in the 4/20 lifestyle. I went to Rhyarna’s apartment after work with the plan of being there for moral support and to eat Korean BBQ that I had been raving about for weeks. I rolled for us and tagged along as we went out into the lamp lit streets and took pictures of Sarah, the new friend that I made.
We ate, Rhyarna took great photos, and we smoked in an alleyway that had one of the best graffiti murals I have ever seen. I got to see the full moon and we all talked and laughed to the point of tears once we got back inside.
Taken by @ritascee on IG
It was truly a great night and I will always cherish it. It was exactly what I needed because not too long afterwards, my depression soon set in as the workload began to become strenuous and I was finding it hard to find time to even breathe. I found myself making plans to only break them when I began to feel overwhelmed.
Naturally I felt bad for not being available to those who wanted to make plans, even more so when I would cancel them. But with this workload that, compared to last year, is a lot more than I anticipated, I find my free time is being used by homework and avoiding another episode.
By “avoiding” I mean that I began to do things that only had my best interest in mind. I had to be selfish during this time because that way I wouldn’t overexert myself.
And though it was definitely lonely, I still enjoyed myself. I also became excited for fall and began watching spooky shows and movies to get me even more into the spirit. I can truly say, for the first time in a while, I got into the Halloween spirit. The nostalgia of being a kid and watching Disney Channel’s Halloween movies and just not having a care in the world.
In the midst of this solitude, midterms were slowly approaching. I was doing well with keeping up with my classes but knew that my Senior Thesis collection was going to take a lot more of my time compared to others. In earlier weeks, I had sketched up to a hundred ideas to get the ball rolling on my project and begin sewing prototypes of one out of the ten final looks I decided on.
As of now, I’ve finished one prototype that I feel very confident about where I want to take it. I’m so confident, in fact, that I’ve already bought the majority of the fabric for when I make the final look in a couple of weeks for my final. It is now, as my midterm assignment for this prototype is approaching, that I have to explain my collection to seven professors and get critiqued from my boards to my execution of my prototype.
It’s stressful, no doubt, but believe me when I say I try not to think about it. Because the more I do, the more anxious I become. But as I sit here, typing this to other people who are likely to understand what I’m feeling (whether literally or figuratively), I know that I am passionate about my collection. I know that the work that I’m doing is exciting to me. I know that however it is I choose to present this to my professors, it’ll be clear that this collection is for me and can only be done by me.
It is just a matter of taking all these ideas, all this excitement I have for it, and put it in a fourteen slide (or less) presentation. To be able to convey my idea to a group of people who are now going to see it for the first time.
No pressure.
Because as soon as it all comes together, which it will cause I only have a bit over forty-eight hours till it’s due, I will be able (and ready) to show you all.
Stay tuned :)
