A Little Goes A Long Way

Saturday, September 26.

11:15AM.

I didn’t even have to open my eyes to know. I just knew. As does every woman who dreads their time of the month and can feel it before it even makes itself known. It was a day I dreaded since seeing it on my tracking app, having had it for the second time in the month of September.

The older I get, the more I’m beginning to understand my body for what it is. For a long time I allowed it to do what it pleased without thinking why or how I felt the way I did. In a lot of ways, I went about this method of thinking for my mental health as well. While living with family who, more times than not, can drive me crazy, I have become very self reserved lately. After seven months of stepping out of my comfort zone, living in the city, and having social interactions whenever I pleased to another (unplanned) seven months of self isolation in my grandmother’s house, it’s been a major change of events. Though it was surely a rough time for all of us, I was forced to become my own best friend. A best friend who knew when something was wrong and addressed it instead of letting it get lost with the rest of my emotions. It was a wake up call that, at the time, I didn’t know I needed but, looking back at it, was necessary for me. 

So when my period inevitably hit, (I don’t know why I question my tracking app as if it hasn’t spent two years tracking my habits, it’s (un)fortunately never wrong) I knew the next few days, as well as post-days, were going to be rough. I’m trying to become more of a realist and understanding situations for what they are. Not to say idealism and optimism aren’t good to have because they help set goals, but when it came to my body and previous monthly cycles, I knew I had to be realistic with what I was feeling. I tend to stretch myself way too thin during these times because I think I can handle it, and maybe at times, I can, but now adding the factor of school and work, I had to take it easy on myself. 

That Saturday I had to work 1pm-5pm, and I knew that it was going to be an easy shift since I work on campus at the Fashion Facility. All it entails is manning a desk and checking out tools to students when they need them, providing assistance if need be, it’s never been demanding. I joke all the time and say that I get paid to do my homework and personal projects… which isn’t a lie. 

I had dressed as nice as I could despite the feeling of bloating and cramps. I played my egyptian cotton playlist on my way to work, progressing my mood and just making me feel better about my day. It looked like I was going to be on time for work, being able to take my time parking and walking to campus but, the minute this thought crossed my mind, I had gotten into a little fender bender while turning onto the street of my parking garage. 

It was nothing major, only a scratch on his and my car and he was such a nice guy. He made light of something that would have otherwise ruined my day (because it surely was my fault); he didn’t even sweat it. I left that situation still remaining as good as I felt prior, maybe a smidge shaken up, but overall, I was okay and I was thanking God for that. 

I had sewn during my shift on my stashies (up on my IG: gojcreations ;) and had hung out with my friends, eating pizza and having a fantastic walk afterwards. For day one, it was such a good way to spend it without over exerting myself. I’m always so quick to shut myself off during my monthly that I wonder why I feel so lonely during the worst parts of it. I felt accomplished with myself after my Saturday, allowing myself to have a good day despite the factors that could’ve prevented it. 

Sunday being the day of rest, I allowed myself to do so. I usually always sleep well into the afternoon because in no way, shape, or form, am I a morning person. Ten AM is the earliest I can be up and be social but, of course with classes, I’m forced to do otherwise, but if it were up to me? TUH. 

I’m aware that the only relief a period brings is knowing that you’re not pregnant, but I will say that I am always well fed during this time as well. One of the many reasons I’m glad that I’m living with my mom again is that I’m always well taken care of and it’s even more appreciated during my monthly. So while I’m spending the day in bed, sleeping, switching between Hulu and Netflix, and scrolling through Pinterest, it was honestly fantastic. If you can’t already tell, my introverted a** was living for that Sunday, pain and all. I didn’t worry about school because my class (thankfully) didn’t meet on Monday so I basically had myself a three-day weekend, truly allowing myself to be at peace on Sunday. 

That evening, I washed my hair- to all my natural gals, you know when you wash your hair AND do a scalp treatment? It’s one of the best feelings in the world. Whatever concoction I make, I always try to put something that’ll make my scalp tingle. It’s one of my favorite joys in life, I’m not even kidding. Knowing that my body and head are clean always raises my mood and provides me an extra boost to do anything that I’d usually have to fight myself to do. Taking the opportunity of feeling better than I had all day, I cleaned my room and pulled out the fall smelling candles. Y’all know that tradition of cleaning your space and then lighting a candle to seal in the good, clean energy. If you haven’t done this, I highly suggest you do, trust me. 

Lastly, on Monday, despite not having a face-to-face class, I should’ve taken advantage of that and got ahead of my studies… naturally, that didn’t happen. I slept in, of course, and further worked on my stashies that I am so proud of (yes, I’m plugging myself twice, you should head over to my IG: gojcreations) as well as beginning my class collection. One of this year’s biggest excitements (and fears) is this class that I have the opportunity of being a part of. It’s called Senior Thesis and though I’m a junior, I’m a part of this class sort of as a prerequisite before having to take it next year. The expectation for me isn’t to do as much as the actual seniors but at least get the experience and see what to expect. It’s something that my school doesn’t usually do so when I was told of this, I, of course, jumped at it. 

I’ll be honest, it’s only been six weeks and I’ve already had moments of doubt within making this collection. I try not to stress too much and remain as positive as I can, though at times it can get the best of me. What I’m grateful for is that I’m working one-on-one with a professor who is really allowing me to learn any and everything that I choose to. What I’m excited to learn is working with different fabrics so I can get the hang of it and not allow fear of not working with them stop me from making a garment. Alongside working with different fabrics (knits to silk and chiffon), I am also playing around with fabric manipulation which is proving to be more exciting than I anticipated. 

What that weekend has proven to me is that being patient with myself and really listening to my body allowed me to have a pretty successful weekend. Of course the timing of it was also an added bonus, but looking back on it now, I’m very impressed and proud of how I handled those few days. It’s usually easy for me to fall into this depressive state where I don’t feel like myself, where I don’t feel like doing anything which adds into making me feel worse.

What I’d like to leave you with is that a little can go a long way. Don’t allow yourself to think that you’re not doing enough. If you only feel up to doing a smidge here or there out of your entire goal, that is okay. And if you don’t feel like doing it at all, that is also okay. Nothing should feel forced, whatever it is you’re trying to reach. I’ll be the first to say and remind you:

You’re doing amazing sweetie.